Sharing the news of a miscarriage can be difficult. It is not just emotional for you, but can also be awkward because you're not exactly sure how to explain what happened. Take for instance one teacher's reaction today. He had no idea I was pregnant.
Teacher- "Hey, Ms. Jackie! How you feeling today?"
Me- "Better than yesterday. Thanks for asking."
Teacher- "What were you sick with, if you mind me asking?"
How do you respond do that? "Yes, I mind you asking." "Actually, I wasn't sick but I'm not going to tell you why I wasn't here." "I was at home crying until I gave myself a migraine?" There's not really a good response to that question. I figured an honest one would be best.
Me- "Well... I wasn't actually sick with anything. long pause. I was pregnant. I was gone because I had a miscarriage."
There was an awkward pause and he kept looking at me, and I could see his eyes getting a little watery. And the longer he looked and didn't say anything, the more my eyes watered.
Teacher- "Oh, Jackie. Shakes head Oh, Jackie, Jackie. I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry."
His eyes were still watery. And it was making me tear up too. All I could think about was the promise I made before I got in the car today-
I'm not going to cry while I am in the school building. Anything before or after is ok.
Me- "Thank you. Thank you very much. But it's going to be ok."
Teacher- "I know, but I'm still so very sorry. Can I give you a hug?"
And he went right in for a hug before I could grant it to him. I had to get to my room before the tears started coming. He felt honestly saddened for what happened. It was a wonderful and heartening thing to know that I am cared for and cherished by people in my school who don't really know me. It made me feel loved.
Another teacher, who I'm fairly good friends with, came and expressed her sympathy in a way that was a bit different.
Teacher- "You know, it was probably for the best. If the baby went full term and grew up, it probably would have ended up in your classroom. Or worse yet, _________'s classroom!"
In other words, something was wrong with the baby. If it made it full term, it would have had some severe needs. God knew what was best for the baby, Alex, and I.
The best sympathy came from other women who also had miscarriages. They knew exactly what to say and they all said the same thing-
"I'm so sorry. It's such a hard thing to go through. Take your time and make sure both you and Alex grieve when you need to."
That's all. No hug, no hand on the arm, no other words said.
And that was all I needed.
His eyes were still watery. And it was making me tear up too. All I could think about was the promise I made before I got in the car today-
I'm not going to cry while I am in the school building. Anything before or after is ok.
Me- "Thank you. Thank you very much. But it's going to be ok."
Teacher- "I know, but I'm still so very sorry. Can I give you a hug?"
And he went right in for a hug before I could grant it to him. I had to get to my room before the tears started coming. He felt honestly saddened for what happened. It was a wonderful and heartening thing to know that I am cared for and cherished by people in my school who don't really know me. It made me feel loved.
Another teacher, who I'm fairly good friends with, came and expressed her sympathy in a way that was a bit different.
Teacher- "You know, it was probably for the best. If the baby went full term and grew up, it probably would have ended up in your classroom. Or worse yet, _________'s classroom!"
In other words, something was wrong with the baby. If it made it full term, it would have had some severe needs. God knew what was best for the baby, Alex, and I.
The best sympathy came from other women who also had miscarriages. They knew exactly what to say and they all said the same thing-
"I'm so sorry. It's such a hard thing to go through. Take your time and make sure both you and Alex grieve when you need to."
That's all. No hug, no hand on the arm, no other words said.
And that was all I needed.
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