Most of you know that I have a FANTASTIC relationship with 'my girls', the basketball girls that I coached this past fall and winter. They were always stopping by my room in the morning, during their lunch, and after school. I would often get a text from them to 'rescue' them from a substitute, or if I could print off their paper for them. Of course, I was always happy to help them when I could.
It didn't take long to build a relationship with them that became more than coach and athlete. For many of the girls, I became a mentor, mostly in the area of relationships whether that was with their friends, family, or boyfriend (most of the time it revolved around the relationships with their boyfriends).
Most of the time, the girls ask me what to do because their boyfriend is not treating them nicely. For some, it's borderline verbal and even emotional abuse; for others, it's the 'he got annoyed with her so he said something mean to get her to back off'. It's pretty easy to differentiate between the two.
For three of my girls, it is the first scenario. The girls go back and forth whether or not do break up with him. When you're in high school, breaking up is a HUGE deal and the drama that comes with it is unbelievable. When we talk, I ask them questions about self-respect and self-worth. They realize that because of what they are constantly being told by this person who 'cares about them', the respect they have for themselves has lessened significantly. Each we talk time, I've told each girl that they need to make a decision. They know the right thing to do, and what they want to do. Sometimes those two things are the same thing; often they are not.
Once the girls have heard that there's a difference and you have them say out loud the right thing to do and what they want to do, they have this look of defeat. They know the right thing to do is to break up with their boyfriend- the crazy thing is that when they say it out loud, they can tell you why it would be better to break up with him, and what their life would look like if they don't.
What kills me is that every time I talk with these girls is they end up staying with the boyfriend.
Every. Single. Time.
Sometimes it's frustrating because you know you're going to have the same conversation with them again at some point in the future. Your heart breaks, but the only thing you can do is be there for them the next time the conversation needs to happen.
This past week, the head basketball coach ran a 'camp' for the girls. It was just two hours a day and they worked on basic skills. I came too, not that I did much. One of the girls who I have had this conversation with once or twice before was coming to camp. I was running late one day and she called me to see if I was coming to camp and that she needed to talk to me. I drove her home after camp and we sat in my car and talked for an hour.
She said that the boy she was seeing was still not treating her right and that she broke up with him. She wanted reassurance that it was the right thing. So, we went through the whole conversation again.
What do you want to do?
What is the right thing to do?
The best part of the conversation was that she said she wanted to be treated with respect and she knew she would only get it by not being with him.
Honest to goodness I almost started crying I was so proud.
But she blew me away again!
This girl called out two of the other girls for being in relationships that were damaging their self-image and self-worth. She asked the same questions I gave her to them. She encouraged the girls to look at their life and ask if that relationship was really what they wanted. She even talked to them about how they are not respecting themselves by allowing these boys to disrespect them. She was so proud of herself for standing up to the boy treating her badly, and for encouraging other girls to do the same thing.
I'm pretty sure after she told me all that, I wiped a tear or two away.
She told me that we need to start a support group for girls to build self-respect, esteem, and self-worth. She joked that we should start with our basketball girls. When I saw her yesterday, she again mentioned starting the group-
and she was serious.
I'm so thankful God gave me the relationship I have with these girls.
Most of the time, the girls ask me what to do because their boyfriend is not treating them nicely. For some, it's borderline verbal and even emotional abuse; for others, it's the 'he got annoyed with her so he said something mean to get her to back off'. It's pretty easy to differentiate between the two.
For three of my girls, it is the first scenario. The girls go back and forth whether or not do break up with him. When you're in high school, breaking up is a HUGE deal and the drama that comes with it is unbelievable. When we talk, I ask them questions about self-respect and self-worth. They realize that because of what they are constantly being told by this person who 'cares about them', the respect they have for themselves has lessened significantly. Each we talk time, I've told each girl that they need to make a decision. They know the right thing to do, and what they want to do. Sometimes those two things are the same thing; often they are not.
Once the girls have heard that there's a difference and you have them say out loud the right thing to do and what they want to do, they have this look of defeat. They know the right thing to do is to break up with their boyfriend- the crazy thing is that when they say it out loud, they can tell you why it would be better to break up with him, and what their life would look like if they don't.
What kills me is that every time I talk with these girls is they end up staying with the boyfriend.
Every. Single. Time.
Sometimes it's frustrating because you know you're going to have the same conversation with them again at some point in the future. Your heart breaks, but the only thing you can do is be there for them the next time the conversation needs to happen.
This past week, the head basketball coach ran a 'camp' for the girls. It was just two hours a day and they worked on basic skills. I came too, not that I did much. One of the girls who I have had this conversation with once or twice before was coming to camp. I was running late one day and she called me to see if I was coming to camp and that she needed to talk to me. I drove her home after camp and we sat in my car and talked for an hour.
What do you want to do?
What is the right thing to do?
The best part of the conversation was that she said she wanted to be treated with respect and she knew she would only get it by not being with him.
Honest to goodness I almost started crying I was so proud.
But she blew me away again!
This girl called out two of the other girls for being in relationships that were damaging their self-image and self-worth. She asked the same questions I gave her to them. She encouraged the girls to look at their life and ask if that relationship was really what they wanted. She even talked to them about how they are not respecting themselves by allowing these boys to disrespect them. She was so proud of herself for standing up to the boy treating her badly, and for encouraging other girls to do the same thing.
I'm pretty sure after she told me all that, I wiped a tear or two away.
She told me that we need to start a support group for girls to build self-respect, esteem, and self-worth. She joked that we should start with our basketball girls. When I saw her yesterday, she again mentioned starting the group-
and she was serious.
I'm so thankful God gave me the relationship I have with these girls.
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